…yes…i finally took up the effort to put in another entry of my ever vast thoughts…. though i keep saying i want to reflect on the past sem. i’ve honestly have no idea how to express it, a new sem has just begun and i hope to achieve my utmost best for myself…..

but what made me penn down my thoughts today was just one issue that was brought up during psychology class today, basically it sums up what i’ve been thinking about for the whole of the last sem. (from orientation 2008 till now), though i refuse to believe in it but i cannot help to admit that it is very true….. “Friends do they really last??????” Why do people in a previous stage of our lives generally fade out of our lives as time passes by ????? (even those that you may be spending loads of time with in the past) Do you ever made the effort into trying to continue the friendships that have been generated in the past???? Is it really that easy to have a close friend that you can share all your thoughts with????

regarding this issue, honestly i feel DTRM 01/2008 struck me the most, before being the facil. of their class and meeting them i was just totally engaged in the poly way of life, living in this society simulated environment and trying to achieve the best for myself and just myself, after the 3.9s i’ve been getting for the past 2 sems (isn’t this wad it is like in society, cutthroat, scary and only the best would survive, keep up or lose out, i do not believe that those managers and executives that climbed up to the top can be totally “CLEAN” in a sense). Though i was constantly questioning myself why do i keep feeling that sth is really different in my life, (i knew the answer all along , i just refuse to acknowledge the fact i miss being in the company of my friends in the past, i do not even take up the initiative to make appts with them and ask them out to catch up on each others lives, i just shrugged them off with excuses such as aiyah they very busy one dun disturb them) 

I guess if not for DTRM 01, i wld continue with this kind of mindset for the rest of my life and i would seriously regret it for the rest of my lives if we really lose contact. basically, when i first met them, fresh out of secondary schl and into poly they would still be in their sec schl “clique” and do what they normally do what they do when in sec schl, the transitional period, seeing them just talking to their sec schl friends, personally, through the phone or even meeting after the orientation, i just cannnot help but bring up and think about the people in my own secondary school life all over again, though some are totally nonsense, some people i really missed. i was like thinking how are they doing and why haven see them for such a long time. (i honestly was thinking of this everytime each day ended)

ever since then, i realized and told myself that “friendships and relationships- the ships are priceless and cannot be exchanged for anything” and “some people to me are very impt and are too precious to loose to possibly anything.” and told myself no matter what try to plan my activities in a way that friendship takes the top priority (esp. the past friendships), take initiative….. according to my last quote impt…. —- i sound damn bad…… , that explains my actions on AP day, trying to ask a bunch of people out, and even though we cannot keep in contact through traditional ways like talking, other ways can also be used…..

i am a person who believes that if the foundation and basis of a friendship or relationship are formed well then the bond and strength would still be there even if you do not meet up for a long time, u would still feel the bond even with just a word of “HI”, my primary schl frenz are the most basic example, i always like to tell others that the bonds built back then were that strong that even if we meet on the streets now i would feel asive we were back then having fun together……

if anyone were to ask me how’s life now, i would normaly reply with i really like what im studying, like my course-till i can do anything for the good of my course , like my lecturers and like the people in my course, but i would be careful with what sort of details i tell whom. Though, i may put on a cheerful face when i go to school everyday and interact with my friends and lecturers with a happy mood which is so consistent (externally only) that i feel sometimes this is not myself. Anger now to me is like very rarely, even i was surprised with my change from the past, which i think is a good thing. very few people in my life now have seen me going through a variety and a range of emotions especially the negative ones as compared to the past, this sometimes leads me to question the strength of all my friendships now, and being at a stage where realtionships also come into play, this two things must be managed effectively in order not to be so called “disappointed” in one area.

haiyahz see lah, psychology class today made me so emo. but i feel its okay, its really nice to think about the past, it is relieving, relaxing… lolz……

“Its the times when i just start to reflect again, its amazing how that we don’t feel anything (with the exception of fun, hapiness and joy that they are by your side) when your friends are just by yourside, but once everyone just moves on with their lives and another new batch of friends comes in you would feel everything’s wrong and something’s missing (sth worse which you would nv want to feel). I still cannot accept this fact that everything is changing although I have been taught to realise that life’s just like that, i just cannot accept this fact.” – i wrote this in a post in the past but i just did not publish it……

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